Big Feelings and Calm-Down Tools

Sometimes feelings get very big. Big anger can make us want to shout or hit. Big worry can make our tummy hurt. Big feelings are normal, but they can be hard to handle. Today you will learn some calm-down tools to help.

Notice the warning signs

Our body tells us when a feeling is getting big. You might notice:

• a fast, thumping heart
• hot cheeks or a hot face
• tight fists or a tight jaw
• fast breathing
• wanting to cry or shout

When you notice these signs, it is time to use a calm-down tool.

Calm-down tools

Belly breathing

Put your hand on your tummy. Breathe in slowly through your nose and feel your tummy fill up like a balloon. Breathe out slowly through your mouth. Do this three times.

Smell the flower, blow out the candle

Pretend to smell a flower (breathe in), then blow out a birthday candle (breathe out slowly).

Count to ten

Count slowly from one to ten in your head. This gives your brain time to calm down before you act.

Squeeze and let go

Squeeze your hands into fists as tight as you can, count to three, then let go. Feel your hands go floppy and relaxed.

Ask for help

You do not have to handle big feelings alone. You can:

• talk to a grown-up you trust
• ask for a hug
• go to a quiet, safe spot for a little while

Example

Jai’s little sister knocked over his puzzle. Jai felt his face get hot and his hands squeeze tight. Instead of shouting, he did three belly breaths. Then he said, “I feel angry. Can you help me build it again?” His mum helped, and his sister said sorry.

Key takeaways

• Big feelings are normal.
• Our body shows warning signs when feelings get big.
• Calm-down tools include belly breathing, counting and squeezing.
• It is always okay to ask a trusted grown-up for help.

Practice

Practise belly breathing three times with a grown-up. Then draw a picture of a calm place you like, such as a beach, a garden or your bed.

Answer: you have done it right if your tummy moved out when you breathed in and went back in when you breathed out. Any calm place you choose is a great answer.